So much has changed since I started this blog. It is so hard to believe that it has been well over two years. I barely recognise my world now in comparison to three years ago in the depths of depression and relentless medical issues, but I can see clearly now the stepping stones that got me up and out into a better place, all started with small and gradually growing choices that felt right and true to me.

These days I run my own small business and work to my own schedule depending on what time of day I feel the best and around my medical treatment. I didn’t even imagine this was possible until a year ago when the seeds were being planted, but I can see now that it was already leading to this place long before then.   

I see now that when I started this little blog, it was a great little testing ground for me to see when is the best time in the day to work, when my brain functions at its best for focussed work, if I could commit to a regular schedule of tasks without stress, and in a way ‘practice’ with this project of what it would be like to run a business. I got to work out a lot of the teething issues and difficulties with very low risk. 

When I started, I wasn’t able to work a ‘normal’ job and wasn’t even thinking about starting my own business – there were no future plans except to write a new post each week. It was just to share my experiences, have a healthy outlet for some pent up activism rage, and a regular routine and task to focus on other than my health. I see clearly now in hindsight that it was a key stepping stone to where I am today.       

With this blog, the choice to start it came about because I was choosing something that felt right and true for me. It was always something that I wanted to do – same with running my own business – and I have known that since I was a teenager. I couldn’t decide to do either after I left school because I needed the life experience with health and disability to lead me to what I am doing today (plus a lot of technological advancement).  

In my little corner of the business world, I found so many people who are supportive of how I need to operate and manage. I don’t feel like I am a literal round peg trying incredibly hard to fit into a square hole anymore. I’m thriving, I’m flourishing, I’m excited for the first time in an unbelievably long amount of years. There is finally flow in my life and my working life where there is a smooth cycle, and no hard jarring edges that require me to pivot and contort in ways that are not comfortable or appropriate for someone in my position with a disability. Having the autonomy and independence to say ‘This is what I need to be my best and operational self’ and having that be fully acknowledged, accepted, understood, supported and encouraged by my peers and clients, has been incredibly empowering and sweet relief. 

Now, a lot of people may respond to those statements by saying ‘If it was so hard and not right for you before, why couldn’t you change the conditions there?’ Here’s the thing: sometimes you don’t know what is going against your state of flow, or what you are resisting against, or just plainly what isn’t working, until you experience what feels really truly right for you. When it is right, it feels ridiculously easy and freeing. I want everyone to experience that remarkable gift, whether disabled or not, we all deserve it.

My life is shifting in enormous ways and I am not sure if the blog is solid ground beneath my feet or a stepping stone to where I am going. I still want to share, have these conversations with people and take action, but it may be in a different way that feels right for the phase of life I am in. Because if I have learnt anything over the last few months of reflecting, it is that life is so much easier when you are doing what is right and true for you. 

Take care, Readers. I’ll keep the light on.

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