The last few months I have been reviewing a lot of the things in my life. At first it was just to make some small adjustments, over time however, it has turned into a life audit of working out the values I want to live, what I want to be putting my energy into and what and who I want to be surrounded by.
For a while I kept thinking that I was closing out of a chapter and stepping into a new chapter. I’m a little further down the track now and I realise that this is not just a new chapter; this is a choose your own adventure book and I am shaking up the story and going in a completely new direction. I am dreaming that this new phase is going to be a storyline that I get to choose, and not a tangent that derailed into a wild plot twist of unfortunate events like the last few years.
A lot of things have changed in my life since I started this blog – my daily routine, my relationships, my work, how I feel, and most importantly how much and the speed that I’m growing. I have found myself on the train tracks that feel like the right direction for me, and now that it feels right, aligned and no longer derailed, the speed of change is like a bullet train. I am outgrowing so many things so fast right now that my environment can’t keep up with my inner self.
I am considering, but I feel that there will be some changes happening on the blog in the next few weeks. To take a pause or retire the blog. To stop doing the things that I feel I have to do or should be doing and instead to go with what feels right and connect in a way that aligns with the conversations that I want to have with people and in more considered ways to share these topics.
I am finding it harder to write about topics that I used to on this blog, as I am choosing to focus my thoughts and energy onto things that build me up, not make me set back into a place I am trying to get out of. Constantly thinking or crafting written pieces about living with medical conditions feels like it is keeping me in that space, and I’m already moving into a place where it is not the main focus of my life anymore. Where once it felt cathartic to write and share, I’ve reassessed if it is still a healthy process, and I feel like I have done as much as I need to do for the moment. While it may mean that this blog one day meets its retirement (but still available for anyone to read), it means personally I am progressing forward and that is worth celebrating.
On a larger collective scale, I’ve noticed that we are not sharing online as we used to, and the values surrounding the online world are shifting. The apps we use to share no longer have a best interest at heart, and have instead become a game to play that we are exhausted by. Some of us have had our privacy breached and then questioned how much we want to share about our personal lives and put out information that we can never retrieve or have it used against us. How much information do I want to put out to people I don’t personally know? Or do I prefer having in-depth connections with people I know and trust? Where is my attention being spent? Do I want to be spending my time glued to a screen or renew the analogue lifestyle? Which do I value? These are questions I’ve been asking myself while dreaming up this new chapter and I know the answers already.
I know that being the Lady in the Lighthouse means that I don’t know many of the people who get read from this blog, they are passing ships in the night and I am just a safety light. But as history shows, even the lighthouse keepers move on eventually but the light still stays lit. This blog will continue to be here for whoever needs it.
Take good care, Readers. Until the time comes, I’ll keep the light on.
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